Friday, May 01, 2009


“You are here because you know something. What you know you can’t explain but you feel it. You felt it your entire life. There is something wrong with the world but you don’t know what it is...but its there like a splinter in your mind.”
Morpheus to Neo in the Matrix

I have spent the last several months on a journey of sorts that has me asking some deep questions...questions in which I don't always have answers or answers in which I don't always like.

Fairly soon I may start blogging some of what I am discovering about myself and this world in which God has allowed us to serve Him in. Nothing profound, and probably not of much interest to anyone but myself, and yet I think it is important to be able to verbalize that which is felt...that splinter in my mind.

For me the questions have been many:

Who am I? What gift(s) has God given me that I must use? In the midst of multiple areas of interest, what is/are the things that I am the most passionate about? If I could only do one thing in my life, what would I do?

What kind of person and leader am I? Why do I seem to be obsessively curious about so many things? Why do I struggle with boundaries in my life and with saying "no" to the things which are good but not great?

What ways am I to disciple myself and my family? How do I value each member of the family, while seeing the unique gifts and abilities that they have, and help them grow in the Lord and together as a family? What things must I say "no" or "yes" to, so that I can provide for my family both financially, spiritually, and relationally?

What kind of church does God want me to be a part of? Why kind of work was I created to do in this kingdom work?

These are just a few of the questions that I have been working through the last few months. Some have been done privately and alone, while others have been done with Amy and friends, as well as with trusted counselors and confidants.

I don't have all of the answers, though many have begun to appear and firm up. These splinters are beginning to take shape, though that shape is as of yet still not clear.

I will write more later about some of the steps that we are taking to find answers, but thanks be to God that He allows us to not only know Him, but to know His will, and to make Him known.


Anonymous said...

Welcome back Jon. Funny I have your blog bookmarked and just picked tonight to check it -- I haven't looked at it for months. I can associate with many of the questions you ask. I would be interested to hear what steps you have taken to tackle these questions.

I also have been looking at my role as leader, protector and provider to my family. I thank God for his grace often as I struggle to do what is right not for "now" but for eternity.

Our small group has been looking at Mark Driscoll's sermons on spiritual gifts. There are nights when I think, maybe God passed me by on most of these gifts.

Starting to lean closer to 40 than 30 is making me really long to find that right place where I could do what I was created to do day in and day out. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in my search.

Hope you are all doing well.

Todd F.

@billy_johnson said...

Thanks Jon for your openness and transparency. It is refreshing to know that guys I really look up to as leaders in my own life are wrestling with many of the same questions that I wrestle with. Thanks for allowing to see your journey.

Cherry said...

Praying that you and your family will find contentment and fulfillment in the answers God gives. Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean on His complete understanding. Let everything you do be for the purpose of glorifying God and He will surely lead you in His will. Prov. 3:5 (ME)

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